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"Greetings and welcome," Pardin said, not sure the being would understand his human speak. "What brings you to my humble home?" I've come to claim my bride-to-be, human," the dwarf said, although when he spoke his words rumbled. His breath stank like moldy bread at the bottom of a forgotten sack. Pardin held his right wrist in his free hand to keep from waving away the stench in his nostrils. He didn't want to upset the fearsome being.The dwarf was looking beyond Pardin, at something further up the mountain."I'm not your whoring bride, you pot-belied excuse for a limp pompadoodle. Besides, your salami is green with rot," the elf maid said. "You couldn't stick it up a pig's ass without tying it to a stick first." Better you than me," Pardin said to the dwarf, wondering what affection dwarfs had for pigs. Pardin wanted to make clear to the dwarf where the human stood in this lovers' quarrel."You might think it's her tongue, human, but don't be deceived. Washing her mouth out with soap. It’s a deal.”I really expected her to go running off but instead she told me to put my stuff in my car and then to follow her around the corner. Once again I expected to see her running for her life but she didn’t. She kept looking back but she stayed just ahead of me. We went around the corner, we went down about a block and a half, and then we went through a tall hedge.As I got through the hedge I saw her standing in the doorway to a guesthouse on a big estate. She held the door open for me and then she stepped through it ahead of me again. Toward the back of the guesthouse was another doorway that she went into, it was a bedroom.She held out her hand and said, “Fifty bucks.”I reached into my pocket and handed her two twenties and a ten. They were crumpled and she had to straighten them out. She placed the money on the dresser and then she stripped off her top almost before I could see it. Her tits were bigger than I had thought. That Spandex had smashed them flat. Her pants were.
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